1. The reactions when you announce your second pregnancy will range from bored resignation, inappropriate comments on the frequency/infrequency of your babies, to mild laughter. No one will scream hysterically, or buy you flowers. Get over yourself.
2. People are not particularly interested in your continuing pregnancy, besides finding out the gender of the baby. The gender should be ascertained as quickly as possible, and should preferably be the opposite to that of your current child, in order to appease the general public.
3. Your nearest and dearest will forget that you are pregnant. Regularly. You will end up screaming “BECAUSE I’M SIX MONTHS PREGNANT!” down the phone at your Gran, and then crying about it.
4. Although you are incredibly jaded, you will cry as much as you did the first time.
5. You didn’t keep as much baby stuff as you think you did. Well, you kept plenty, but none of it will be particularly useful. You will now balk at the cost of muslin squares, because you know they’re essentially just sick rags.
6. You will try and use the benefit of your wisdom to persuade first timers against unnecessary precautions, extravagant purchases and hospital bags the size of the Coca Cola Christmas truck. They will smile, nod and ignore you.
7. Small children are constantly on the brink of contracting chicken pox. The mum friends you have gained since your previous pregnancy will start greeting you with a scream of “HAVE YOU HAD CHICKEN POX?” every time they see you.
8. Besides shouting at her, no one has a clue what to do with a pregnant woman who may have been exposed to chicken pox.
9. The guilt you will experience when you can’t take your small child to the park because you have your head in the toilet/on the sofa/jammed permanently in the fridge is all-encompassing.
10. Because you have 97 other things to do, your pregnancy will fly by. As you barely know what day it is, you won’t be able to constantly reel off how many days, weeks and months pregnant you are. You’ll have to get an app to remind you. The apps are better this time.